By LaBill Simmons Esq.
Special to ESPN el ocho.com
via Obscure Sports Quarterly (OSQ)
(Archive)
December 3, 2006, 12:44 PM

The Lemolo Point “TRY”athlon. A new storied tradition unlike any other.

Throngs of admirers lined the bulkhead anxiously awaiting the perfect tide. Racers waited in varying stages of undress. The starting gun sounded and the “athletes” sprint to the water wearing either far too little or perhaps too much. As they hit the water, those blessed with excess body hair were happily willing to embrace the extra insulation it gave them in spite of the trade off of increasing their drag coefficient. The cold water was not so bad when waiting at the top of the piling was a delicious shot of Popov vodka. As the vodka hit the stomach, it gave the racer that courageous sense of invincibility needed to try that extra special dismount they had been practicing at home. SPLASH! … the shore is looking really far away now but they’ve got to make it or they get no doughnut.

Then, the aspiring ‘Lances’ & ‘Lance-ettes,’ hopped on their bikes to show us what they’re really made of. Stunningly beautiful Liberty Bay and the Olympic Mountains are to their left as they pump the pedals en route to the heart of Little Norway. BOOM! Willkomen til Poulsbo. God Bless those Norwegian immigrants for inventing the monstrosity that is known as the Viking Doughnut. Real sexual tension hovers around the bakery as that aroma of that new trans-fat free frying oil scents the air. The athlete’s diverse cycling outfits lubricate the circumstance for shameless flirting with the high school aged employees of the bakery. Extra style points were given when it was confirmed that this was the Sluy’s employee’s favorite day at work … EVER. The racers make sure to take advantage of the sugar rush as they get back in the saddle and head up the hill to scenic Fjord Drive. If they tasted a little bit of that morning’s breakfast, locals and tourist alike calmly coached, “not to worry, that is normal.” Encouraged or not, the race went on.

After ghost-riding their bikes through the famed Lemolo croquet court, the athletes grab their running shoes and their most outrageous outfit to head on down the road where the most honored Lemolo-TRY sponsor, Brenda, is waiting for them with an entire refrigerated room full of delicious malted beverages. If they had never seen it, they were unprepared to truly feel so alive for the first time. Choosing wisely at this juncture is of utmost importance, as the racers may or may not have to carry the contents of that tasty beverage in their stomach for the remainder of the race. True champions went for speed and power of caffeinated malt beverages. Though that didn’t give Brenda’s power washer a break as some found it necessary to give that beer another taste on the way out.

And so finally, the end comes into sight! Following the parade route back where everlasting glory awaited the racers powered through to the finish. Some may have scored more points than others, but, truly, everyone at the Lemolo “TRY”athlon finished a winner.

see these links for pics
http://picasaweb.google.com/ashine100/LemoloTry?authkey=ENTGk1FtEIM http://picasaweb.google.com/jenkinskchan/20061202LemoloTryathalon http://picasaweb.google.com/jonulrich/LemoloWeekend